I’ve come to the conclusion that constant access to devices, the internet, and social media is not making us stupider… it’s making our stupidity more readily evident. Certainly, many are losing the mental agility to reason or to summon up things from their memory, but I’m talking more about fundamental world views, ideas about fellow man, etc.
How many times since the rise of Facebook, for instance, have you had a face-palm moment about a childhood friend or family member espousing an abhorrent religious-based or politically charged opinion? It’s so disappointing to discover that loved ones we assume are enlightened or at least tolerant are actually not only harboring hateful or self-serving/righteous views, but they are unashamed to proclaim them online.
I do think it is worth considering the merits of our lives and the internet reflections of our lives not becoming too silo’d. It is for that reason that I have put off unfriending or hiding the feeds of Facebook friends that “love the sinner, hate the sin” for instance or who border on racism with a vitriolic hatred of Barack Obama.
This came to a head for me a few months back, when a cousin who lives a decidedly more country life than I, posted a photo of that Duck Dynasty fellow saying that she supported him. I was in bed sick, and not thinking all that clearly, but I was hurt and angered nonetheless. I commented, that I loved her and her family but that I supported both my brothers and my brother’s 20+ year partner, her sister, her sister’s longtime partner, our late aunt, and on and on – tagging them all. It was immature and punitive. I was pissed and wanted to call her out.
By the morning, she’d deleted the whole post with my comments, unfriended me and my brother’s partner, and posted a string of “marriage is one man and one woman” crap. I was incredulous as were many others in the family. I was called upon to make up and to make sure my aunt wasn’t angry. I just waited.
Before social media, texting, or even email, how would this have played out? I would have had to call or write her a letter to express my displeasure. My tone would have been much softer, if I had even spoken up at all. But of course, I would have likely never been privy to her views on the subject. Not only that, but she probably developed a lot of her views on Mr. Duck Dynasty and the idea that he was “expressing his faith” on social media.
I thought on this a lot. Especially as another cousin posted something vaguely bigoty a month or so later. While I do think it is important to speak up on the big issues that affect social views and our society, I also weigh this against the pointlessness of alienating those we wish to influence or enlighten. Had I not used Facebook to lob a flaming bag of shit into her post comments, she wouldn’t have shut down. What I should have done was to pick up the phone and told her that I loved her and that I know she loved our gay family members. Then we could have had a conversation rather than a pissing match.
About 4 months later, I emailed her an apology – not for disagreeing with her but for hiding behind the internet to embarrass her. She accepted my apology and her reasoning for the post was very telling and I am still trying to process it. She said that she was just trying to raise her kids according to the teaching of the bible. I am no biblical scholar, but I wonder where it says to forsake half a dozen family members in favor of a reality TV personality looking to drum up publicity.
She’ll probably never read this post, but if she does, I hope she knows that I respect her instinct to protect her family. And while I disagree with her viewpoint and hate that the Duck Dynasty post drove a wedge between us, I am thankful that it caused me to reflect on my own lazy habits. Trolling the internet and bullying people is just as ugly no matter what your agenda.
Lesson: sleep on it then pick up the phone. It might just change a mind and save a relationship.