Mind the Gap

The night before I flew to New York City on a business trip last week, I went out to celebrate a friend’s birthday at a new, upscale restaurant with communal dining tables. When the couple seated next to me left, they were replaced by a small group. Nearest me sat a young woman who put not one… not two… but three cell phones on the table. I detected some foreign language going on, inferring that she had a domestic phone for her travels, a work phone, and a personal phone. She didn’t diddle with them and she had a purse, so it wasn’t clear why she piled them on our table, but it turns out it was foreshadowing of the days ahead.

A few things had changed since my previous trip to New York, but one that I noticed immediately was the omnipresence of smartphones and tablets on the subway. If memory serves, I had just been given my first iPhone before my last trip there and I distinctly remembering feeling self conscious about pulling it out for fear it would be nabbed. I am fairly certain that few other New Yorkers were gazing into gadgets either. Cut to 2013. Whoa boy.

Even through is was no signal in the subway tunnels, that didn’t stop people from using their smartphones like crazy. It’s not that I fault them—I mean, what else are you going to do on a long commute. It’s not as though you want to start a friendship on the subway. I just noticed the marked difference 6-7 years had made in that regard.

Not surprisingly, smartphones figures pretty prominently into other street scenes. I suppose it shouldn’t have been surprising (and it wasn’t). For a city crammed with overworked, underpaid, over important people served by really overworked, underpaid, actually important people being constantly bothered by tourists… it should be no surprise that the isolated masses want a little escape.

In a lot of ways, I admire New York folks. Generally they dress better, seem to value culture, have an appreciation for tradition, and are driven—if primarily because they have to be in order to survive. But in a big, gritty, cement and steel place like Manhattan, it was even more apparent that people disappear into their gadgets when they are working so hard to live in a city they are missing almost entirely.

For my part, I saw the sights, smelled the smells, and ate a lot of bagels.

The Pause Button

I’ve got a confession to make: I fuck this up a good bit. By which I mean that while I set these tech parameters and goals for myself, they can be elusive. Try as I may, I slip out of good habits and into bad ones. Rules I establish for myself get fuzzier and fuzzier.

There’s nothing that makes my feel like a hypocrite—my smartphone is still dumb, I still don’t have a laptop, and I still try not to use my phone in the middle of conversations/meals/highways. But with other guidelines like social media or not being online an hour before bed… I find myself slowly slipping. And it being March in Austin, Texas (aka SXSW season), our company is busier than ever and so I’ve been working nights.

It’s got me thinking. What’s the difference between a necessary evil and a lie we tell ourselves? Probably very little. Sometimes, in my occasionally on-deadline line of work, there is a need to check in on email after hours. Or monitor a Facebook page we’re managing. But the problem isn’t so much the exceptions as it is the slippery slope to losing a couple of hours doodling. Nightly. Guilty as charged.

As the company grows and we aspire to do more with more systems, I wonder if I can do my part shoehorned to the same 10 hour work day, 5 day work week—or will I need to concede that I’ll need to find the pause button next to The Off Switch.

There’s no denying—for instance—that I could be much more productive with a laptop for some after hours work sessions. But the question remains: would that imbalance start to rob me of the restorative powers of… not being so productive.

This is the line I walk. I started The Off Switch lifestyle about two and a half years ago. And in that time, my marriage and the company and my artistic life have been more fulfilling and productive than ever—by a lot. It’s no coincidence. What’s more, I know that I’m on the precipice of even great strides in my marriage and the company and my artistic life. That’s where discipline and common sense come in.

That’s the decision. Stay balanced. Keep suspicious of tech. Actively pull away.

Thank you! That’s what this blog does more than anything. It helps me sort it all out and to keep continuity of my intentions. It keeps me honest.

Mostly.

Oh, the humanity!

Has anyone noticed how ungrateful we’ve become in the past 5-7 years? As a collective modern civilization, we’ve become relatively bratty about a lot of things we have grown accustomed to eating, buying, and using—but perhaps nothing more embarrassingly than technology.

The incomparable comedian Louis C.K. put it best in his classic bit “Everything’s Amazing and Nobody’s Happy” captured hilariously on his appearance on Late Night with Conan O’Brien [VIDEO].

I have to say, I notice this constantly. In a half-dozen years, we somehow got from being awed by affordable and unimaginably capable technology to being perpetually preoccupied yet dissatisfied. What happened? There are a lot of valid answers—many that go without saying—but here is the main one in my opinion: people will behave as badly as they are allowed to behave. Generally, we don’t want strangers or loved ones acting like total shits because if they get away with it, then they might mess up our lives. Therefore, we try to keep ourselves in check so we have leverage. It’s an understood social contract.

But with technology, Internet and then affordable smartphones came so quickly and to most people at one time that we all sort of gave ourselves over together. At first, I remember everyone rolling their eyes at the douchebag on the cell phone in public… until we got cell phones then maybe we didn’t use them around people or while driving. Then they got really advanced and everyone mostly gave up.

I see stunningly thoughtless behavior with friends and family and respected colleagues—and I see bizarre distortions in what I once thought of as reasonable news outlets. It’s like the whole system has on one hand disregarded common sense and on the other hand come to expect mind-blowing and life-changing innovations every six weeks. Both seem really unhealthy. The more that we demand of technology and the companies that produce it—and the less we demand of each other and ourselves—the less we’re going to get out of it.

This past weekend, I caught the beginning of the movie “You’ve Got Mail” in which Greg Kinnear’s character unconvincingly attempts to convince his girlfriend that the electric typewriter, not laptops and the Internet, were the better choice. Of course, now his argument seems silly… even to me. And we now know that his was a loosing battle. But was it pointless?

My point is: is it pointless to swim upstream? The whole time I’ve been doing The Off Switch, I’ve maintained that it is my quest and not a technology Jihad. But even though I may reap countless personal, I can’t help but hope that other people will have a look at their own habits.

Not for me, but for humanity.

An iPhone Contract From a Mom to a 13-Year-Old

This post is primarily an entry on Huffington Post from writer/blogger Janell Burley Hofmann (www.janellburleyhofmann.com) titled “To My 13-Year-Old, An iPhone Contract From Your Mom, With Love.” Her sensible and caring guidance for her young son has been both heralded and criticized by traditional news media and random commenters, but to me she is totally right on the money. Moreover, I think this is advice most adults can learn from. Read on:

Republished with permission from Janell Burley Hofmann

Dear Gregory

Merry Christmas! You are now the proud owner of an iPhone. Hot Damn! You are a good and responsible 13-year-old boy and you deserve this gift. But with the acceptance of this present comes rules and regulations. Please read through the following contract. I hope that you understand it is my job to raise you into a well rounded, healthy young man that can function in the world and coexist with technology, not be ruled by it. Failure to comply with the following list will result in termination of your iPhone ownership.

I love you madly and look forward to sharing several million text messages with you in the days to come.

1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren’t I the greatest?2. I will always know the password.

3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads “Mom” or “Dad.” Not ever.

4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30 p.m. every school night and every weekend night at 9:00 p.m. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30 a.m. If you would not make a call to someone’s land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.

5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It’s a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.

6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.

7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.

8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.

9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.

10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person — preferably me or your father.

11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.

12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else’s private parts. Don’t laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear — including a bad reputation.

13. Don’t take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.

14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO (fear of missing out).

15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.

16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.

17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.

18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You and I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

It is my hope that you can agree to these terms. Most of the lessons listed here do not just apply to the iPhone, but to life. You are growing up in a fast and ever changing world. It is exciting and enticing. Keep it simple every chance you get. Trust your powerful mind and giant heart above any machine. I love you. I hope you enjoy your awesome new iPhone.

xoxoxo,
Mom

A platitude adjustment

Between Hurricane Sandy and the shootings at Sandy Hook, I’ve seen hundreds of memes, Facebook posts, web vigils, and news segments about the human loss—and the digital things I am meant to “share”. These platitudes and busy-box actions are intended to be little ways we can all stoke the fires of awareness, but I see them as mostly meaningless distractions from real interactions and true reflections. We click it and forget it.

It’s not that these little activities are wholly bad. I just think they are misguided. Together, we buy into this idea that by posting on Facebook, by texting each other partial thoughts, and by dog piling onto ‘never forget’ and ‘it’s the government’ sentiments… that we’re doing something. I mean, I guess it is more that nothing. But to me, it’s not much of anything.

Of course, if you’ve read any of the other posts here, you know that I believe unchecked smartphone and social media use make each of us less connected, less aware of our feelings and surroundings, less able to have quiet moments of reflection, and less apt to endeavor into non-digital activities. So as a logical extension, I believe that we use technology for tragedies like we do for more mundane moments—to make us feel like we’re connecting or being productive.

So… what am I advocating? Good question. As with anything, your mileage may vary. See dealership for details. For me, I have the nagging sense that rather than just rolling my eyes at the endless stream of fleeting posts about these and other tragedies… I need to do more than not participating in it. I need to do something real and meaningful.

This past weekend—as the Sandy Hook news and reactions mushroomed—I was at the mall with my kiddo when I spotted a former colleague sitting alone. I’d learned a couple of months back that her brother and sister-in-law died in a car wreck while on vacation abroad… orphaning their two young girls. I heard she had dropped everything to move to be with them. We emailed about it once and I left it at that. When I saw her on Saturday I approached her to see how things were going. I learned that a family decision had since nudged her out of the immediate support system and then she lost her job here due to the time she’d taken off. She was visibly devastated.

In that moment, it hit me. A Facebook post is not enough. A well-meaning email is not enough. This blog post is not enough. What I feel profoundly is that rather than scattering my thoughts and words into a thousand ones and zeros, I need to devote an hour of my time to spend with someone like my colleague—someone right here in my city. A real conversation. Real listening. Real help. THAT is meaningful and that’s where I’m going to start.

And I’m not posting about it either.

A mini dilemma

Like a recovering alcoholic, I’m ever-mindful of technology and the impulse to rush in to new gadgets or services. For a number of reasons, it would be all too easy to fall off The Off Switch Wagon and slip back into my distracted and teched-out ways.

Alternately, I am ever mindful that my commitment to myself it to remain mindful of the role of technology, and not anti-tech. When innovations come along, I am resolved not to upgrade for the sake of newness, but rather to assess if it makes sense or ads something meaningful—or is worth a trade off.

Such was the dilemma when Apple announced the iPad mini. When they announced the first iPad, I remember debating with friends that it served no real purpose and that I couldn’t imagine it fitting into my life. But that was before 1) I had used one and 2) I made the decision to ditch my laptop and neuter my iPhone. Ultimately, the iPad was very useful when I wanted to compute away from my desk.

Cut to this past weekend. After again dismissing Apple’s latest as neat but not for me, I found myself at the mall and in the Apple store to have a look-see. After my kiddo had played some games at the kid table, we ambled up to the iPad mini station where I picked up a mini. Then, I got it. The value was apparent and—I believe—not unduly influenced by the pixie dust of Apple magic.

But why? How does one separate new and shiny from actual useful attributes? Here is my logic:

1. Lighter/smaller = less burden. I don’t carry my original iPad around all that much, but I do carry it to meetings, when I travel, etc. It’s much lighter than the laptop I used to carry around, but still something I’m aware is there. The appeal of a much smaller thing is that I can grab it without it being this bag of crap I have to consider. There if I need it, not in the way if I don’t.
2. Cheaper = less commitment. At $329, the iPad mini is a good $500 less than the iPad with 3G connectivity I opted for the first time. I can buy this now and if it doesn’t suit my needs, I can sell it and put that money towards something that does. Which leads me to:
3. Newer = maintaining value. At a certain point, all technology becomes obsolete. Such is the case with my original iPad. Apple is no longer supporting updates and it is just a matter of time before functionality suffers as a result. With the exception of some old iPods that still work as needed, I tend to sell gadgets while they still have some value. This means I pay less to upgrade.

And then there was just the simple appeal. It was much easier to hold and use. My first thought was actually: holy shit, Apple just made their full size iPad obsolete. We’ll see if I still feel that way later, but for the moment, it just feels right for me.

Now my main concern is whether this smaller, easier to bring along gadget will help me rationalize… bringing it along. The original iPad begs the question: do I really need that enough to lug around the bag? But if I can throw the iPad mini in a coat pocket, will I do so ‘just in case.’ I guess that’s where good old fashioned discipline comes in.

2 Years In and No Looking Back

On September 1, 2010, I started The Off Switch blog to help me understand, chronicle, and share my quest to control the digital distractions in my life. As the intervening posts explain, I have made several adjustments to the role of technology in my life, perhaps most significantly for me where lobotomizing my smartphone by dropping the data plan (and most apps including mail), getting rid of my laptop, largely not checking work email after hours or on weekends, and most recently by cutting out social media away from my desk and even then only a handful of times during the workday.

The effects of these changes and the things I have reclaimed as a result have been nothing short of life changing. I am not a motivational speaker and do not intend to proselytize the merits of unplugging because 1) what you do is your problem and 2) your mileage may vary. But for me, I can report that it has changed my outlook, given me back peace of mind, and brought balance and quiet to what had become a frazzled and perpetually distracted existence. Before I started this pursuit, I had come to feel like my company owned me and that my phone had become an extension of me. It was not good.

I’d started realizing a change was in order, and daydreaming how that might work, and researching the possibilities… then I just started. And the change was immediate. Sure, maybe there was 48 hours of cold sweats and a period of adjustment (no GPS?!), but the rewards were plenty. I suppose I thought is was going to be slightly better than worse, but it was way better than worse. I really didn’t miss it.

About a month ago, I stopped doing social media outside of work hours, so no evenings, early mornings, or weekends. I honestly don’t know what took me so long. What a gift! I hadn’t realized how much time I was wasting scrolling through it, or sharing things, or checking back for comments. Now, I see it when I get back to my desk and it’s great. Much like I’d discovered by not getting email or the web on the go, by being off of Facebook and Twitter in my “off hours,” I have no longer been psychologically dragged into debates, trivial news, and brain numbing distractions. I haven’t missed it.

After two years, you might wonder: what’s the point? Is the experiment over? Well, I’m not looking back. This has been an immensely positive experience to swim against the current and to set my own boundaries. And the point? Personally, it is about consciously and purposefully designing the role of technology in my life. I blog about it as an exercise to stay aware of it and to work it out. If others get something out of it, that’s great. In some small way, I also hope The Off Switch has made you think about the problems technology creates in your life and how you might make changes.

Thanks for following along—and please share any realizations, changes, or feedback on this project in the comments. Thanks!